Written by Lily Cochiaro
“The best is yet to come,” Mac echoes on the song, “Rick’s Piano”, like a mantra. Listening to Balloonerism, I realized that he was exactly right: the best was indeed yet to come.
Balloonerism is the second posthumous release from Mac Miller, and dropped on January 17th of this year. The first, Circles, was released in 2020, and was the album Mac had been working on before his death. So what is Balloonerism? The album was originally recorded over a two week session in March 2014, in between the release of Watching Movies With The Sound Off and his mixtape, Faces. This is evident when listening to the album, seeing influences from both projects.
I’ve been hearing a lot of claims that the album is messy or disjointed; and I’m here because I could not disagree more. For one, I think we’re lucky to get all the Malcolm McCormick we can get. I’d listen to hours worth of his table scraps, if that was all I could get my hands on. But also because I think those claims aren’t necessarily true. I think the album ties together in a beautifully cohesive way, and even in the contradictions we still get a pretty clear picture of who Mac is and what he’s feeling. Is it about fame? Loss of innocence? Death? This album offers the perfect blend of raw, intimate moments and powerful, heavy tracks. Together, we’ll take a dive into the message behind the lyrics and take a look at this long-lost puzzle piece in his discography.
“Tambourine Dream”
The album opens with a 33 second recording of a tambourine being played. Very aptly named.
“DJ’s Chord Organ (feat. SZA)”
The chord organ used throughout the song belonged to that of the indie legend, Daniel Johnston. (That’s where those initials, DJ, come from.) Miller acquired this after taking on the role of executive producer on Daniel Johnston’s documentary, and contributing a large sum to the film’s production. If you know Daniel Johnston, it’s not surprising to see where Mac got some of his influence from.
The song starts out with a chord progression, (“B-flat, F, B-flat, F, D”) called out by producer, Josh Berg, as he plays them. For a moment you feel like you’re there in the room with them, trying to piece together this song. When that D chord hits, everything changes. That’s SZA’s cue to come in.
I’ll be honest, SZA has never been one of my favorite artists. I find her vocal runs to be excessive, lyrics repetitive, and I find on every track of hers I listen to, wanting a change of pace or energy. But on this track, I think she provides a much needed accompaniment. Her and Thundercat harmonize and provide the perfect tone to start the album out. We don’t even really hear much of Mac Miller at all. But maybe it works. It acts as an introduction, like the opening act to warm up the crowd before the main event.
“Do You Have A Destination?’
To keep it real, I was introduced to Mac Miller fairly recently. I had some kind of aversion for years, kind of shelving it away as being “guy” music. I thought it was all about sleeping with women, substances, being famous. I may have even referred to it as “douchebag music.” I know, don’t worry, I’ve since repented- and Miller has become one of my favorite artists. Okay, maybe some of it is about women, drugs, and being famous. But it’s not like he’s putting up a front. For the most part, he’s always tried to be honest with us.
This is the first glimpse we get of that on this album, and his first contemplations of death. The first line of the song starts out strong,“I went to sleep faded, woke up invisible” a nod to his fear of overdosing, and a tragic premonition of how he would eventually pass. This is also the first time on the album that brings up the idea of reincarnation: “Pray this life reciprocal,” something we’ll revisit later.
The next line is: “I gave my life to this s**t, already killed myself.” This is the first of many lyrics on this album in which he talks about being dead in the present or past tense. It’s eerie, but we can think of it as a metaphorical death, rather than a literal one or some suicidal ideation. Paired with his consistent mentions of reincarnation, we can take lyrics like that and interpret them as his desire to start over, and even being a different person than that of his past self. In this verse we hear the first from Miller’s alter ego, Delusional Thomas, who will be a main “feature” later on the album.
One of the lyrics that stuck to me the most was: “I don’t know, I’m not a kid no more.” Now, this line is pretty casually delivered, and comes and goes pretty quickly with the pace of the song. While listening to this album, I revisited his mixtape, Kids. On nearly every single track on that mixtape he repeats, “We’re just some motherf**kin’ kids.” Listening to the mixtape, it’s like an affirmation. Like a way of life, like some grand excuse for being young, stupid, careless, and having fun.
And now, just 3-4 years later, he’s rapping “I don’t know, I’m not a kid no more.” This seems like a clear departure from Kids. He doesn’t have an excuse anymore. He can’t go back, he can’t escape his responsibilities, he’s reached icon status, meanwhile feeling the weight of mortality. This track was the last recorded in the 2014 sessions. This makes sense, after looking back from the whole album. In 2014, Miller teased the track by changing his twitter bio to “do you – have a – desti – nation?”
“Five Dollar Pony Rides”
I think this song encapsulates the Mac we know, the one we hear on Faces, for example. Again, it’s no surprise this album was recorded in that time span. This is the most listened to track on this album at the moment. I guess I’m not surprised, but maybe a little disappointed that this song outshines the other ones. Maybe it’s the most accessible to a wider audience. Considering Balloonerism was shelved at that time to release other projects, it’s surprising this track didn’t end up making it on another album.
That smooth, yacht-rock inspired piano makes this track so irresistible.
“Friendly Hallucinations”
That same piano follows us into that next track. Right off the bat, he introduces a new metaphor, “Can you hear the whispers of an innocent, ignorant child?/In the ocean, get to swimming or drown.” Looking at themes from this song and others, it’s been theorized that he’s referring to a point in adolescence where you start maturing and facing reality. The options, to him, are to drown (fall victim to despair; substance use) or to start swimming and push through.
Thundercat really brings something special to this track, providing a really rich R&B foundation for Mac’s hypnotic lyrics.
“Mrs. Deborah Downer”
How is this song so cool? I almost can’t even begin to go into the lyrics. But of course, I will anyway.
The lyric: “Found my body somewhere in the sewer.” is immediately striking. He always seems to mention them in present or past tense, like he’s already dead. And considering this is a posthumous album, it’s pretty unnerving to hear him say it. His portrayal of death in this way is clearly intentional, and is underscored by his fears and insecurities of the same nature. We see in tracks like these that it’s also something that his substance abuse makes him aware of.
A good portion of the song dives into how his relation to substance abuse is hurting the relationships with those around him. He talks about losing his best friend, and how he doesn’t want to “see the world through a telecast” referencing feelings of social isolation and depression brought on by substance abuse. Towards the end he sings about bettering himself, and says, “Clean myself up, now would you be my friend?”
This message of wanting to “start over” is something that I want to make note of, and a main message we’ll see on future tracks.
Man, this song is so catchy.
“Stoned”
Stoned is a prime example of Mac’s genius. The basslines, the sampling, and a subtle “knock, knock knock” after a lyric about shutting a bathroom door. This is also one of the more accessible tracks on the album.
The layering of different riffs and samples on this track is so magnetizing, it pulls you right in without being overwhelming. It’s not meant to be “experimental”, genre-wise, but it mixes different instruments and elements in such an interesting way. After every listen, I take away something new from this track.
“Shangri-La”
This song acts as a perfect transition between tracks. His isolated vocals create a really mellow atmosphere. It’s the kind of song you can really sink into.
The title comes from producer Rick Rubin’s recording studio of the same name. Mac famously stayed here after drunk-dialing Rick asking for help, and staying the summer to get sober. Mac Miller references Rick Rubin and his stay at Shangri-La throughout his discography, and we’ll hear from him again later in the album.
“Funny Papers”
This was a turning point in the album for me. He starts out the song in this exaggerated Hollywood accent, just the kind of thing that’s silly enough for him to pull off on a song like this. Just when you thought that we’ve gotten all that we could get from him, we have this song that could very well be one of the best songs he’s ever released. This is without a doubt one of the most poetic and sincere tracks he’s ever created. I think that this song was a key transformative point into the lyricism we see in later projects.
In the second verse he tells the story of a newborn baby that passed, and in a bittersweet moment he envies the child’s innocence and ignorance of the world. For this “oblivion” before you’ve experienced the world and are still full of opportunity.
He yearns for that kind of beginning: “I swear to God I never want to sin again.” This connects back to reincarnation- if he could avoid sin, maybe he could have a fresh start in the next life. For the last half of the song, his vocals are pretty isolated. He seems alone and vulnerable as compared to the rest of the song. It’s songs like this that make you forget he’s a hip-hop artist. He’s taken the genre and turned it on its head; he did away with the typical lyrics, themes, and conventions of hip-hop and what’s left is just him and his music.
“Excelsior”
In this sweet, tender track Mac narrates a story about a group of children on a playground. He highlights their view of the world as being innocent, ignorant: “before they get polluted, start thinking like adults.” He describes their relationships, the relatively small problems at that age, drawing upon his own early memories to do so. He asks, “When did life get so serious?” It’s clear he’s not just nostalgic for those times, but envious of them.
Towards the end, the song goes through a dramatic shift, the music lets up a bit and you can mainly hear children’s and Mac’s laughter in the background. He even yells out spells, telling us he used to want to be a wizard. It’s not only an endearing track, but incredibly genuine and familiar.
“Transformations (feat. Delusional Thomas)”
This track introduces one of Mac’s aliases, Delusional Thomas. We hear from him briefly on other songs, but on this one he’s the main feature. The tone here shifts kind of dramatically, setting up a darker, and even vulgar energy. This is a stark contrast to the previous track, especially. Not in the sense that it’s introspective, but almost dismissive. The lyrics don’t hold much meaning in themselves, almost just there to make you laugh.
If anything, it does a great job at showcasing a range of emotions, the volatility we see in the abrupt song changes is the same volatility in Mac’s own emotional state.
“Manakins”
This is one of the most unique samples I’ve seen out of any of the samples he’s done. It gives the same type of “old hollywood” feel that we got from his intro on “Funny Papers”.
He says “not scared of growing old or dying,” We do see him struggle with this in previous lyrics, while also finding comfort in the idea that even after he dies he can start anew.
Dylan Reynolds provides the chorus on this track, and provides a dreamy essence that compliments the song well. “What can we do?” he sings, in reference to death; he’s noting here that we can’t really avoid it. This is what seems to bring him that sense of comfort.
“Rick’s Piano”
This song is my personal favorite on the album. It starts out as a playful exchange between him and audio engineer Josh Berg, as Mac Miller is playing producer Rick Rubin’s piano. Right off the bat, we get the line “The best is yet to come.” I don’t know what it is about the way he says that lyric. I believe its iambic trimeter, but the way it’s sung resembles a heartbeat. That “dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun.” I don’t know, maybe you can hear it, maybe that’s just me. Completely entrancing.
He fears of losing his edge, “Please don’t nod your head, please don’t tell me I made it/Cuz people start to get worse once they think they the greatest.” It’s moments like this in the song that just feel so intimate, beyond just feeling vulnerable.
The lyric:“I shot myself on my birthday/I fell into the ocean,” stood out to me here. This is another reference to life as being this ocean he can drown in, and referring to himself as already being dead. After this, he repeats the refrain: “What does death feel like?”
Depending on which album you listen to, you’ll have conflicting views of who Mac Miller is and what he wants out of life. This album is the missing link. This may be some of his most contemplative work, and this song is a sobering experience.
“Tomorrow Will Never Know”
I’ve heard a lot of reviewers call this last track “mood music.” They consistently describe it as being haunting, eerie, disturbing. That’s not to say it’s not eerie- but in a way it feels… dismissive, to me. Calling this track “mood music” would be like calling “A Day In The Life” by The Beatles “mood music.” He’s wrapping up exactly what he’s been trying to tell us the entire album- coming to a sort of conclusion he’s been trying to reach. It’s not just some collection of creepy sounds: a phone that keeps ringing, kids playing on the playground, a voicemail message. You can’t ignore the lyrics:
“Living and dying are one in the same.”
“Do they dream just like we do?/Do they love just like we do?”
“Do you feel as big as your shadow?”
There have been suggestions that the title itself references the Beatles song, “Tomorrow Never Knows.” Genius suggests, “While the Beatles title suggests boundless opportunity and potential, this title suggests unrealized potential when a life is cut short.”
Listening to the last line on this album, “If you could make it go away/Give you a chance to start all over.” I’m left stuck thinking about what he’s meaning to say. Is it hopeful? Is he hinting again at reincarnation? Ending this life to start the next one?
Attempting to put the pieces together, I read what Josh Berg (main audio engineer on the entire project) had to say about the album. This is a small quote from a larger excerpt on his Reddit post:
“Listening to it now, to a man in the deepest depths of a philosophical debate about life and death… like his own private Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance… yelling at God at his own funeral.. powerful questions.”
And the album feels like exactly that. There doesn’t seem to be one clear answer or conclusion, but rather this ongoing debate about life and death. He’s scared to die, but also trying to accept it. He believes in reincarnation, but also believes in our ability to change and shape the future. He laments the past, but believes in new beginnings. In some ways, he feels like he’s already died and is constantly being reborn.
It’s clear that this album wasn’t “scrapped.” I think a lot of people feel that way, and view it like an unfinished project that people like SZA, Thundercat, and Josh Berg had to come in and finish. Josh Berg wants us to know this isn’t true. Most of their work on the album had already been done, some songs like “Mrs. Deborah Downer” only needing one take.
Mac had every intention of releasing this album, including commissioning artwork for it and having discussions about the project in the months before his death. I, for one, was even expecting a typical posthumous cash grab. But listening to the album I can understand why he was waiting. This isn’t to say the album is perfect, nor fully polished. Even Berg admits that Miller would have changed things, describing him as being “dedicated to the art of the tracklist.” This album gives us a key understanding of his evolution as a songwriter and artist. I’m so glad we finally got to hear what happened to his long-lost masterpiece.
I guess on that note, I have to say, wherever Mac is, I hope he’s happy.
